NASHVILLE (BP) — Non-religious couples are considering something that evangelicals have touted as a necessity for decades.
“Is premarital counseling the newest wedding planning trend?” asked none other than Vogue last year.
Other secular outlets report it is. This coincides with a drop in the divorce rate as marriage rates hold steady. Meanwhile, Americans are growing more comfortable with enlisting the help of mental health and counseling professionals.
There are commonalities among evangelical and secular premarital counseling, said Debbie Steele, professor of Christian counseling and director of the Master of Arts in Christian Counseling program at Gateway Seminary.
Among those are conflict management, division of labor and matters related to sex, including pornography.
“The obvious difference is the issue of faith from a Christian perspective,” she said.
For example, pornography may be acceptable to secular couples. Gender roles for an evangelical couple will look different. Books and other resources presented by the counselor for further study will determine how the couple proceeds and continues to grow after the wedding.
“Prayer factors heavily in Christian counseling and remains central,” Steele said. “Christians are encouraged to get premarital counseling while non-Christians are not.”
Methods vary as well, even among those in evangelical settings.
The Summit Church in Durham, N.C., focuses on a mentoring relationship for engaged couples.
Brad Hambrick, pastor of counseling for The Summit and assistant professor of biblical counseling at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, pointed out the general ways counseling is received — through a professional, with a pastor and with a mentoring couple.
The leadup to a wedding can be very busy and stressful, said Hambrick, who has observed the benefits of mentorship.
“It’s more about relational influence,” he said. “Your average couple already like each other and may have a hard time anticipating the challenges of marriage. “Meeting with a mentor is much more life-on-life. Getting together is easier and can happen over coffee or dinner. It’s exceedingly life-giving for the mentors as well and a beautiful example of intergenerational learning.”
A primary difference between Christian counseling and that in a secular setting is the concept of seeing marriage as a covenant, he added.
“Marriage is meant to be a picture of Christ’s relationship with the church,” Hambrick said. “There may be some guiding moral values in a secular model of counseling on what it looks like to honor your spouse, but the language is not going to be as strong.”
Some issues couples must address, like pornography, have been around awhile but aren’t going away, said Steele.
“It is becoming less stigmatized and seen as a common struggle among men, even in the Christian community,” she said. “Money is also a key topic during premarital counseling. Some states are beginning to use counseling as an incentive to receive a discount on the marriage license.”
(EDITOR’S NOTE — Scott Barkley is chief national correspondent for Baptist Press.)
